I only like you when I'm sober

I only like you when I'm sober
cuz when I'm fucked up that's all I need
& I wish I was good enough for you
or at least that you accepted me for me
but I don't see that day coming
so I'm just gonna smoke up this weed
then maybe one day I'll forget about you
or maybe one day you'll care enough to see




I'm keeping my phone by my side
hoping you'll call it tonight
I'm thinking about you... but I don't know if I'm on your mind
& I don't know who's laying by your side
I know the way you treat me ain't right
but I can't help how I feel inside





Falling away from the Earth
none of my senses work
what happened to my self-control?
how did I get this deep in the hole?
do I have to except this as my reality?
where can I find answers to questions such as these?
am I figuring this out to late?
if I fix this will something else take it's place?
why am I afraid to close my eyes?
I secretly hope I'll run out of places to hide
I can't explain what is wrong with me
it's like too much negative energy
a depressive shield over my body and mind
I'm trying to think but falling behind






So there's this boy...
he's got me so baffled
I don't know whether to run away now
and protect myself from my feelings
or whether to stay and play the game
and put off my pain...

Stupid Bitch

"Cute skirt"
"You like it?"
"Yea, easy access"
"Um, ok..."
"Want a drink?"
"Sure"
"Here, have another"
"...ok..."
"You need to relax, have fun"
"Why are you doing that?"
"I just wanted to kiss your necka lil bit, is that a crime?"
"No..."
"Ok then"
"Could you please stop that?"
"What, am I not allowed to touch you there?"
"Please don't"
"Goddam girl, what's your problem?"
"You know I'm only thriteen years old right?"
"So?"
"I wanna go home"
"Why? You're a big girl arn't you?"
"I guess"
"Have another drink then"
"Dude, you're drunk"
"Not too drunk to know what I want"
"Please let go of me"
"Why, when you know you want it?"
"Hey man, help me hold down this white bitch"
"Someone needs to teach her a fucking lesson"
"Yea, maybe she'll show a little more respect next time"
"You stupid bitch"

Random thoughts

I'm so fucking happy,
I think I could cry.
I punched that bitch,
gave her a black eye.
She fell to the floor,
like any other whore.
And now I'm so happy,
I could just fucking die.




Tell me where
Can I hear
the Lord's Prayer
in my ear?

Tell me why
do we fly
our young men
off to die?

Tell me when
does our sin
come to it's end
or even begin?





I'm not sorry that you can't understand
no matter how much I wish you did
it's just my reality, it's what I've been through
And it's effected the life that I've lived
as much as I hate you, I still want you to know
how much pain was caused by you
And I wish you could see, your words were the snow
that fell and turned me cold




My souls for sale
you can't fake this shit
wasting away in my personal jail
I can't remember what I'm feeling
or what I'm even supposed to be
I've locked myself up in my own reality
my head is in a cloud
I'm doing nothing about it, I can't
I'm letting myself drown
in a hypnosis, engulfed in a frown
there's flames all around but I'm just sitting down



I guess we're only afraid of the ghost....
when we're in the darkness



I took you out like yesterdays trash
I shook up your thoughts
and made you come to a crash



Fuck you, I love you
I hate you, I want you
I abuse you, I use you
I keep you confused
I drug you, I hug you
I rape you, I love you
You haunt me, you taunt me
you play me, you want me
you crown me, you drown me
you keep putting me down
you hate me, you degrate me
you stalk me, you create me
Fuck you, I love you
I want you to change me




I think some people were just bron with a broken heart
it's just their fate, what they're meant for
some people have their heart broken in childhood
when they were broken down or abused
others have their hearts broken by love or some bullshit like that
but by the relieving moment of death,
we'll all have a broken heart





She's not one of those girls
from the glossy pages of a magazine
her life is empty & scary
she's afraid to cause a scene
she's the only one who dosen't know
how beautiful she really is
but this is no runway show
she is not Miss July
how can you have self-confidence
when you feel like shit inside?
because when your addictions
get the best of you
you can't help but put restrictions
on an unspoken truth
it smells like alcohol, it feels like drugs
she feels like lying to herself
over her ciggarette butts





let me ask,
because I don't think I know
how did this mask
get buried in snow
what does this world have
for a helpless girl like me
After I'm free from the chains
of my self-imposed slavery?






I can hug my pillow all I want...
but I can't pretend it's you






Free Verse

Why, can somebody please tell me,
do the people of my country...
place themselves in their own captivity?
I want to tear down these walls
that separate me from my neighbor
I wanted to write about freedom
about the shackles we place around our feet

So this is freedom...
being free to live in these cities
free to work so our babies can eat
freedom isn't glamorous
& freedom isn't sweet or easy
but is it free?

They say this is my freedom
Is living between these walls my freedom?
am I free of body as I'm free of mind?
the youth of my country know better
we owe our stupidity to these schools
and our eductaion to each other

We are only free to question

Nobody

There's nobody here...
the house is quiet.
My only friend...
is a beam of sunlight,
coming through the window,
and illuminating the dust in the air.


This is going nowhere
but, hey, I can pretend.
So guess what?
-I've decided to give in-


Even when a tear rolls down my face,
you just look at me blankly.
You've left me with just one thing left to say:
If you arn't what I want,
then why can it make me cry?


unsent letters... I'll just eventually through away...
unread poetry... just pulls me more away...
too bad you;ll never know... I'm not really okay...

Bitch

A smirk on my face, a wink of my eye
c'mon baby, give me another try
when you wake up, I'll be gone
but I'll leave you with one hell of a song
It'll taste so good and you'll want a sip
but you won't get no kisses from my lips
As I swish my hips I just walk on by
I just fuck a bitch and make her cry
but in the end that's not what I need
cuz in the end that bitch is me

random things from my notebook

I stayed with you,
even though I couldn't pretend every word out of your mouth wasn't a lie.
And I stayed with you,
even though you couldn't be faithful if you tried.
And you made me want to jump off a cliff,
but somehow that was allright.
And I left you,
even though it can still make me cry.


I guess it's been okay for the most part.
What else can you say about a broken heart?
You said you never meant to hurt me,
you saw me bleed as you got down on one knee.
My blood ran stiff as you touched my lips,
and put me in the bliss of our first kiss.
You looked at my blankly,
as a tear rolled down my face.
As you looked me in my eyes,
like your lies were okay.



I wish I could sing...
about the pain you bring
or the engagement ring
that I no longer need


When I told you I was doing allright,
it wasn't even a lie.
I've had alot of fun,
been keeping it tight.
But,yeah, I admit there are times,
when it's hard to fall asleep alone.
But I'm not about to fall to my knees,
and beg you to come back home.
I have my reasons for everything,
I probably even had a reason to care.
This has been painful, wonderful, scary,
and I'm glad we had something to share.
All I'm trying to say,
is I miss you to this day.


I hate you
When you're not sleeping next to me... I hate you!
but what hurts worse...
is that you want to sleep next to me, too
But Can't!
So here's a thought...
What are two people supposed to do...
When the only thing that makes life worth living...
is each other?
But, yet, they can't be together?




How do I feel?
I'm only afraid.
I'm not a young girl,
I've been through this before.

What's the appeal?
it's like lemonade.
A sugary thrill,
it's making me want more.





Stripper pole
sink a hole
go right through the gates of hell

sink in fire
sleep it off
makeshift mothers twist & yell

thrown around
drop your crown
no such thing as happiness




My fire is sleeping
it's eating what you're dreaming
I don't mean to seem envious
but I feel like screaming.
But no one would hear me
I'm alone when you're near me
If you were here to hold me
maybe for a moment you wouldn't scold me
I can't explain what is wrong with me
it's like too much negative energy
a depressive shield over my body & mind
I'm trying to think, but falling behind





I'm not alone.
THEY'RE here.
I can't see them but I feel them.
It's like something in the air.
It's an uneasiness,
a creepiness,
a built-in fear.
It's a reminder of a past,
a lingering pain,
stagnant air you can't fully grasp or contain.


-Kim

how indie?

You Are 77% Indie

You're a very indie person, and admit it, you look down a little on people who strive to be normal. You'll indulge in a little mainstream pop culture every now and then. But for you, anything not indie is a guilty pleasure!